Protecting Friends & Family Members etc.

Most people start learning a martial art in order to be able to protect and defend themselves, some also want to learn how to defend partners, family members, children and possibly friends. When we imagine violent scenarios, we often do so from the perspective of being on our own; with no one to either help us, or be responsible for. However if we take a look at our lifestyles, it may be that the times we are alone are actually less than those when we are with somebody else e.g. if you are a parent, or caregiver, you might spend the majority of your time with children etc. if you also consider the situations where you may be at a greater risk of violence, such as drinking and socializing late at night, it may be that you are rarely alone, and will have your friends and/or your partner present.

If you want to be able to protect another individual, the first thing you have to do is to get them to buy into this idea. My son now recognizes that it is a good idea for me to hold his hand, when in parking lots and crossing the road; this wasn’t always the case, and in the early days I had to wrestle with his squirming hand as he tried to break free of my hand. If somebody is unable to see the potential dangers and threats that they may be exposed to, they will not see the need to be protected. This is often where we go wrong, as we highlight the most extreme and worst case scenarios we can imagine, literally trying to scare the other person into feeling the need to be protected. My son at the time had never seen, or known of a child who had been hit by a car, and would have been unable to imagine or conceive of what such an incident would look like, he had however fallen over and hurt himself – it was that which convinced him to buy into the idea of holding my hand when we crossed the road; in case a car came and we had to speed up and he stumbled and fell. Explaining and describing extreme situations to people who have never experienced violence, will either lead to them being paralyzed with fear and/or not truly believing that you have the ability to protect them. Everyone can imagine a mugging scenario, or one where they accidentally spill somebody’s drink over them etc. and using these examples will probably be more productive, in getting the person you wish to protect to buy in, than using one involving gangs and abductions etc.

In personal safety planning is everything; acknowledging, assessing risk and planning how to both avoid and handle it should occur is key. When another person is involved planning becomes even more important, along with the ability to condense a plan down into its simplest and most base form, so that they are able to follow and employ it when under stress and duress. You may feel you have the faculties to make difficult decisions when under duress, however the person you are instructing should not have to make any decisions, they should just know how to act, and what to do; their job is to simply follow instruction, whether that is to stay back, call the police, find and inform someone who may be responsible for security etc. It may also be informing them how to act and behave in a situation, such as handing over money, wallet, possessions to an armed mugger etc. It does you little good in adverting a physical confrontation if you hand over your wallet, and the person with you doesn’t. Your instruction, should also be realistic, that is you want people to be able to act upon it. Telling a small child to run and leave you in the event of a violent confrontation is probably unrealistic, as they will feel safer being with you, rather than away – even if this is not the case. In my experience people work best with a defined goal e.g. telling a person just to run is not going to be as effective as telling them to run to a particular place, or find a particular person etc.

Just as we have to battle with accepting that we are in danger, and getting out of a state of denial, so will the person you are with. Keep your plans simple and realistic, and communicate them in a non-sensational, matter of fact way. If this involves children, be aware of the language you use, as you don’t want to alarm or scare them – at the same time you want to let them know that danger, however unlikely, does exist, and with a good plan you will be able to keep them safe.