Personal Responsibility, Blame & the One Stop Martial Arts Shop

We live in a society where entitlement, rights and personal freedom trump reality. This week I conducted a series of external classes/seminars where the people attending the sessions were possibly only doing so because their organizations had deemed it necessary for them to undergo some form of personal safety and self-defense training. When you train groups, with members who haven’t voluntarily elected to be there you sometimes get a mixed response when you suggest that it is an individual’s, personal responsibility to ensure their own safety.

Whilst I will be the first to acknowledge that the blame for an assault lies squarely with the assailant I am always amazed when people use this fact to absolve themselves of the reality that they are in no way in control of their personal actions and behaviors, which could see them attracting the attention of a predatory individual. I don’t believe that a drunk woman, choosing to walk through a bad part of town late at night is “asking” to be assaulted – or would be to blame if she was – however the decision to do so has to be questioned if there were other alternatives available: regardless of her rights and freedoms to walk where she wants at any time of day. In a perfect world our society would be a safe one to live in, and we would be by default exempt from any dangers, risks or threats. However that’s simply not the world we live in and it would be irresponsible to act as if it was. I have the “right” to walk to my car without being assaulted however I still check my environment before leaving my house to make sure I can do this safely. I shouldn’t expect to be have things stolen from my car but I still lock it.

People kick back from the idea that their personal safety is their responsibility all the time. People argue with me when I say that you shouldn’t rely on third parties to come to your assistance if you are being assaulted. I would love to live in a world where other people will intervene in a violent confrontation to ensure my safety (an unknown person) but I recognize that this is an unrealistic dream to hold to; people will walk away from a fight not towards it. You might like to hope that the world is a kinder place to you than it is to me however you know in your heart of hearts that the only person you can actually rely upon to save you is you. You must be honest with yourself and admit that if you were an observer to a violent confrontation you too would look for every opportunity and excuse not to become involved; you may even stand there watching and say to yourself “isn’t anybody going to call the police?” (as if by the time the police turn up it will have changed toe outcome).The larger the group of observers to a crime the less likely someone will intervene, or call for assistance as everybody assumes somebody else will.

This is not a blame game. When you look for someone to blame the event has already passed; it’s too late. When people start arguing who is, or not to blame for an assault, the assault has already happened – this helps no one. When I teach a class or seminar, I do not assume responsibility for everyone’s personal safety, I assume they have already done this because they’re attending the class. I see my job as giving them the tools and information that will help them exercise this responsibility. As a Kid I was taught the “Green Cross Code”, a system to help me cross the road safely, I see teaching self-defense and personal safety as being no different: I teach a system that helps you identify, prevent and avoid danger, it is each individual’s responsibility to use it to help them avoid becoming the victim of a violent assault – if they are assaulted are they to blame? No, but even to start arguing this is pointless.

People will often want to believe there is nothing they can do to prevent violence. This is not the case but it is used as an argument for them not to take responsibility for their personal safety. Taking the view that everything is inevitable and there is nothing you can do, is a poor and dangerous argument and yet many people make it and take it. Why? It absolves them of having to take responsibility, to make the necessary changes in their life which would increase their personal safety. It should be called for what it is: laziness. It also reflects on their own perceptions of their self-worth. If they believe as an individual they are a valuable person they would take the necessary measures to protect themselves but instead they would rather deflect this introspection and argue the case that there is nothing they can do. These individuals often have the loudest and most persistent voice in self-defense classes and seminars. Rather than spend the time considering what they could do they’ll spend the time arguing their case that there is nothing they can do, doing a great disservice to all those people who have successfully fought off assailants.

There are no silver bullets to protect yourself from violence, and there are no secret moves or pieces of knowledge that will keep you safe however if you accept that you are worth protecting, take responsibility for this you will have already upped your survival chances.