Would You Ever Get Into A Car With A Stranger?

We all follow rules that we believe will keep us safe, however these rules are built with certain scenarios in mind. When predatory individuals, change these scenarios and situations our rules fall by the wayside, as we never imagined them being applicable to the exact or particular situation we face. We all believe that it is a bad idea to get into a strangers car, and might even state that we never would, however many people who have held to this rule have (and will), sometimes with no dire consequence, and other times with very devastating ones. 

When we create a rule, we frame it i.e. we have a particular scenario/situation in mind. When we create a rule such as, never get into a stranger's car, we do so, with a situation in mind where we're walking on the sidewalk/pavement and a car pulls up, and a stranger asks/demands that we get in. Of course we wouldn't do this, however we may quite willingly get in to a stranger's car, if we’re with a friend and someone they know pulls up and asks us if we want a ride. We will willingly get into a stranger's car if someone we trust says it is ok for us to do so - rarely do we question other people's judgments concerning our safety, and yet many times it would be wise for us to do so. Just because someone else knows this stranger doesn't mean they're not a stranger to us. 

Predator's are very skilled at getting us to believe that our rules don't apply to them. A predator on an internet/blind date that is going well, may suggest to the person that they're dining with that after the meal they continue the date at a bar they know. Once in the parking lot they may suggest that it makes more sense to take one car, and that they'll act as designated driver - a nice touch that shows them to be safe and responsible. They may even add, Don't worry nothing's going to happen, an unsolicited promise, that they know their Date will be too polite to question. Is a person that you've met a few hours before, still a stranger? I'd argue yes, I know a predator would have you believe otherwise. 

One Rapist's MO (Modus Operandi), was to rear-end lone female drivers in remote settings. They knew this was a sure way to get someone to stop and exit their vehicle; our inbuilt and default behavior when engaged in a car accident is to get out and inspect the damage - something that could be practically done later and in a more populated location, however that isn't how we're programmed to act. Once out of their car, obviously visibly and emotionally shaken he would offer for them to sit in the passenger seat of his car to have a drink of water and fill out the necessary paperwork - what happened next is unfortunately too predictable and obvious. I'm sure  all of this particular sexual predator's victims would have sworn blind that they'd never have got in to a stranger's car. However I also believe that they all envisaged their rule applying to a very different situation than the one they found themselves in. This is not to blame anyone but to demonstrate that rules are ineffectual in keeping us safe. 

At a seminar I conducted today, one female attendee, mentioned how many women's magazines publish a list of safety tips after there has been an assault or attack on women that has grabbed the media's attention (these are never the assaults that happen every day to women in their own homes by the people they know - these complicated stories never make the front pages, although they are the most common and alarming). Just as the people who wish to avoid being victims devour these lists, so do the predators who want to understand how they can circumvent these rules in order to gain access to new victims.          

If we want to stay safe we have to stop taking the easy route and believing that our common sense will prevail. It won't. Every hard and fast rule we believe we will stick too, we'll break, and every predator will learn how overcome. Only by learning how predatory individuals operate and work will we be able identify their processes and step away from them. Next time you tell yourself, I'd never let a stranger into my house, think of the situations and occasions you would, and then tell yourself rules simply don't work to keep you safe.