Adult Bullying/Workplace Bullying

October is National Bullying Prevention month, and so I thought it appropriate to write a blog piece on bullying. Rather than look at school bullying, I want to take a look at adult bullying, with a focus on the workplace, as this is an area, which often gets overlooked, yet the bullying actions and behaviors of adults can be as equally vicious, aggressive and damaging as that perpetrated by children. 

Who Bullies? A popular misconception about bullies, is that they are individuals who suffer from low self-esteem. This is often said to victims, to make them feel better about themselves; that it is the bully who has the problems and issues not them (this of course doesn't help the victim but it makes the person dealing with the problem, feel that they have in some way helped, and made things better). Bullies don't suffer from low self-esteem, they actually have very high levels of self-esteem, however they lack confidence in it, and question themselves over it constantly, needing to prove to others that they are in fact the top dog, and all round amazing individual that they see themselves as. In a workplace setting, an individual may believe that they are the most talented and gifted person in the building, and yet are baffled that nobody else seems to think this or recognize them as such. This causes them to question the way they see themselves, and so they engage in bullying activities to demonstrate their dominance and superiority in that particular environment. Bullies are basically insecure people who suffer from a larger than average ego, along with high self-esteem.  

In the workplace, bullying sometimes though rarely manifests itself in a direct physical way, though there may be threats of violence and acts of intimidation that would lead the victim to believe they are at risk. But bullying doesn't have to be physical, and this is where many of the damaging social and emotional acts the bully (and their group) engage in get overlooked. Gossiping, rumor mongering and the spreading of lies and falsehoods are also acts of bullying, if the intention is to cause the larger workplace group to try and shun and exclude the victim, from conversation, social events and the like etc. In many cases the bully is able to surround himself/herself with a group of individuals who are looking for a way to enjoy a higher level of status within the environment and they will help an assist them in the spreading of these rumors. This starts to create a them and us atmosphere in the workplace, with the bully and their group attempting to set the workplace rules, defining who are acceptable individuals and who are unacceptable. 

In any environment where bullies operate, the most important players (including school bullying situations) are the bystanders, those that watch the individual being bullied don't take part and feel uncomfortable at what they have witnessed. It is this group (which are usually in the majority number wise), if they are vocal and active that can often change the culture of the workplace, and demonstrate that the larger group doesn't accept or tolerate the bully (and their groups) behavior e.g. gossip and rumor mongering can be cut dead if nobody repeats the lie, social exclusion is impossible if the larger group includes the victim etc. Bullies, and those they attract around them rarely change, but the larger group can help create and define an environment in which they, their behaviors and actions aren't accepted and tolerated. 

One advantage an adult victim of bullying in the workplace often (but not always) has, is the opportunity to leave. If a workplace is toxic, because of the activities of one or a few individuals, the most obvious thing to do is leave. Is it fair? No, but is it practical and effective? Yes. Whilst we might hope that the larger group or a supervisor or manager might sort the situation out, this will not always be the case. Confronting the bully may have a short term effect, however in the long term, the challenge will be seen as a questioning of the bully's status, and is likely to lead to further, and more extreme forms of bullying in the future. If there is an opportunity to leave an environment where such activities and behaviors are tolerated and accepted then that is usually the best course of action to take.