Walking Away

One of the most often asked questions I get, surrounding the self-defense techniques I teach is, “Is that legal?” I’m going to caveat my response(s) to this question by first saying I am neither a lawyer nor an LEO (Law Enforcement Officer); I would also state that an LEO’s situation is very different, both from a personal safety perspective and a legal one – I have a huge amount of sympathy for the police, when it comes to protecting themselves from harm and danger because the responsibilities and accountability they have surrounding this, is often much more complicated than that enjoyed by an ordinary citizen. When you, as an ordinary member of the public, find yourself threatened and in danger your situation is very different to that of a police officer or security operative. In most cases you have the option of walking away, and disengagement, something that somebody trying to enforce the law, or a set of rules and conduct (in a bar or club etc.) doesn’t have. It is this option of walking away, which does a lot to set the context of how you respond to a threat or assault – and when it comes to arguing/debating the rights or wrongs of your behavior and actions context is everything; from both a moral and legal perspective.

Walking away from a fight takes balls, big balls – it is rarely the coward’s way out; it is often easier to convince yourself to fight than it does to walk away. Walking away sucks – it really sucks. I still relive situations where I had the option to enact a physical solution, and didn’t; and could have probably justified and argued to myself that I was morally – and possibly legally – entitled to do so. In truth though I really wasn’t, as I had the option to disengage and walk away. In such situations violence is a choice, and when it becomes a choice, it’s hard to argue that right is on your side. When violence is forced upon you it’s another matter.

From a civilian perspective I am not a great believer in “use of force continuums”, the law may state that you should do enough to nullify the assault/attack that you face, but in truth measuring a response when you are facing an adrenalized, aggressor is extremely difficult; when the shit hits the fan, you rarely have time to measure just how much shit has actually hit it – without stretching the analogy, a fight is a shit show. This is why it is important to set the context of the fight beforehand e.g. if you present reasonable solutions and alternatives to an aggressor, and do so in a non-threatening manner, if they fail to listen and accept these solutions then you have the moral authority (and in most cases the legal authority) to do whatever you need to do to protect yourself. If you tried to walk away, either figuratively or literally, and were prevented from doing so, you have a right to deal with the situation physically; whether pre-emptively or responsively. There shouldn’t be a question in your head whether you should do so – your aggressor will not be asking such questions.

You must be honest with yourself, as to whether you have the option of walking away. The majority of incidents I have witnessed, certainly concerning male-on-male violence, have been simple matters of ego, where both parties just couldn’t let themselves not have the last word, or make sure the other person knew they weren’t going to back down etc. All matters of ego. When trying to judge what an appropriate level of force would be in such situations, it is a difficult one to debate, as both parties probably had countless opportunities during the encounter, to simply back away. Contrast this with an abduction scenario, where a person is being dragged into a car – in such a situation do they really have the situation to walk away?

I like using heuristics i.e. simple rules that can guide decision making. One simple one to use when deciding whether to use force (and how much) is, “Can I walk away?” If you can, do, if you can’t fight. As to how much force you should use – as much as is necessary to finish the fight in the shortest time. Don’t look to dissuade an assailant from continuing the fight, but rather look to finish them and prevent them from being able to continue their assault. Is what you are doing legal? In this moment who cares – that can be debated by an attorney; you didn’t have an option not to fight, and so you must now fight without taking chances, or having regard for your assailant – they made the choice. There is only one way to deal with violence and that is with extreme violence.