Investment, Optimism & Expectations

Have you ever been involved in a conversation or interaction, when you knew you were being conned, and yet still continued to listen, and remain involved, rather than walking away? You’re not alone; and the longer you stay involved with whoever it is you are dealing with, the more likely you are to comply with the con. When we invest something, whether it is simply time, we are often unable to admit to ourselves, that we must sometimes walk away, receiving no return on our investment – if we listen to a long winded story by some stranger, about how they need 10 dollars to buy a train ticket in order to see a sickly relative, it may be hard for us to walk away, without first handing over the money. The fact that we’ve stood there and listened, investing in the story, can make it hard for us to walk away, without concluding the interaction by handing over the money (knowing that it won’t be spent on a train ticket). We may convince ourselves that there is a possibility that the story is true, and if it is we’ve done the right thing (because human beings are inherently optimistic creatures), but at the end of the day, deep down, we know we were conned, and in fact knew it at the time. When the cost of the con is only a few dollars, the consequences of complying are small, however if it is someone trying to convince us to let them into our home, or look after our children, the eventual price to pay, may be much greater.

One of the reasons we keep investing in a story or con, is because we don’t want to admit to ourselves and the con-artist and predator, that we didn’t spot what was happening to us sooner; pride and embarrassment, hold us back from acknowledging that we didn’t spot what was happening to us earlier. Basically we feel ashamed at not detecting that we were being played sooner, and are not sure how to, extricate ourselves from this socially awkward situation, without admitting that the person we were dealing with had fooled us – even if it was only up to a point. Human beings avoid shame at all costs; shame is a form of public guilt. Many people will continue to play out the con, because they don’t want to have to admit to others, even if it is the person perpetrating the con, that they’ve been conned – better to end it with that person, the only other one who knew what was happening, walking away, without anything being mentioned.

One of the other reasons we may avoid calling someone on a con, is that we avoid confrontations at all cost, preferring to acquiesce to demands that are not in our best interest, rather than confront somebody on something, and create a socially awkward situation, that we’re unable to handle. If we’ve invested some time – and possibly money – in to the con, our natural optimism, may convince us that it may not be worth confronting the person, as if their intentions are good, then we’ve soured the process. I once invested, and kept investing in a business venture, without questioning the person who I was investing into, because the eventual outcome, which seemed attainable at the outcome, still had a chance of coming true (and I didn't want to lose what I'd already invested); my initial investments, my optimism, and my unwillingness to confront (as it would have soured the relationship), prevented me from acknowledging what was happening – fortunately all I lost in the deal was money, which over time can be regained/replaced. However if somebody is playing the con for you as an individual the consequences can be much more dire.

Certain predators, will play a long game with you. A supposed friend, who is a sexual assailant, may get you to invest in the friendship, so that you put aside your doubts around an evening out, a trip/day away etc. You don’t want to express your doubts, because you have invested in that friendship – and hopefully what you fear won’t happen. If you are in an abusive relationship, whether it’s psychological, emotional, sexual or physical abuse etc. it may be hard to walk away from something you have invested so heavily in, even if you know the eventual outcome is not a good one – and with an optimistic outlook you can convince yourself that this is not the case. If you believe you are being played, walk away at the moment you recognize it – nobody recognizes the con right at the start, and there is no reason to feel embarrassed at failing to do so. The longer you stay engaged the harder it is to walk away, even if all you have done is to invest time.