Women\'s Self Defense - The Same Tired Old Story

It still amazes me that the media’s representation of what women’s self-defense is, hasn’t moved on much since the late 1980’s,and early 1990’s, where simple solutions such as kneeing an attacker in the groin, and shouting as loud as you can are the norm; the belief that it is possible to learn a few tricks in order to “feel” safer, and be more confident when walking about – whilst ignoring the fact that women are more likely to be raped, and sexually assaulted in their own homes (or those of others) by someone they know. The media, and many martial arts schools, persist with the idea that the point of women’s self-defense training, is to make those who attend courses and classes, “feel” more safe and confident, rather than actually “be” safer and more prepared to deal with violence.

I completely believe in the idea of aggression training, and assertiveness, and the teaching of simple techniques, however the training methods that are used, rarely reflect reality e.g. attackers and assailants are presented, coming at their target from distance – either directly from the front or directly behind, rarely if ever are drills and scenarios presented, where the attacker is sitting next to their victim on a couch or bed; and where time and distance are completely denied. Attacks on the ground, are practiced, and taught, as if the victim is on a hard surface, and has all the room in the world to move; this really doesn’t replicate real world situations, where a sexual assailant may make their assault, on the back seat of a car, or in a room crowded with furniture.

There is also a naïve belief that women’s self-defense can be taught in a matter of a few hours – which persists not just in the eyes of the media, who often want a self-defense instructor to come on their show, and show a few moves so women now “know”, what to do when attacked (and inevitably will “feel” safer), but also in the eyes of the public; every year a few weeks before college, I have many requests from parents for private lessons for their daughters, who they want to be taught how to handle and survive a violent assault – I’m betting that few tennis coaches get called up, and asked to train someone to play competitive tennis at the highest level, in just a few hours, yet the myth persists that a few tricks, and a couple of techniques will suffice. The goal with women’s self-defense, seems to be to make everybody “feel” safer, and present a simple picture of violence, that in no way mirrors reality.

Real life violence is scary, and sexual assaults are life-changing experiences, that some people never get over, and yet the martial arts and self-defense industry, aided by the media, perpetuates the myths, that attackers are always strangers, that they come at you from distance, when the truth is that sexual predators are skilled social players, who are able to create awkward situations, convince us that they are trustworthy, and even invest in them as people – before they then make their assault, with their victims only actually realizing that they are being attacked (having first gone into denial – why would my boyfriend’s best friend be doing this to me?) at some point during the assault. But this is not a comfortable story to tell, and as the media keeps presenting to us, the goal of women’s self-defense is not to make women be safer, it’s to make them feel safer.

Personally, I feel this is a patronizing and condescending view, as it relegates women’s self-defense to being something that is a “nice to have”, rather than a necessary and essential life skill. Women deserve to be told the realities that they face, and not have the media present a skewed or false picture. Women’s self-defense should not be relegated, to the teaching of a few techniques, backed up with aggression and assertiveness training, despite this being an important component that should be included in any training program. Rather accurate, and realistic depictions of assaults on women need to be explained and trained in the contexts where they occur, with attacker’s being friends, acquaintances, work colleagues and the like etc. with the methods and processes they employ described and explained. Learning to predict, identify and avoid violence, are perhaps the most important self-defense skills that women can learn, as this will prevent the majority of assaults from occurring, yet the media shies away from presenting these skills, or when it does reducing them to the top 10 safety tips for women etc. Tips that any sexual predator will find a way to address, and find a way round.

The media (and many martial arts/self-defense schools) needs to take the time in its reporting, and stop reducing women’s self-defense to being little more than a confidence booster, and start to describe and explain what real-world violence actually looks like – and not what is just easy to teach and explain. Techniques and aggression training, all have their part, but accurate and realistic scenarios need to be worked through, rather than ones which just suit the instructor’s training methods; this includes accurately reflecting both the physical environments and social settings that women are likely to be assaulted in. Feeling safe, is not the same as being safe, and the media would be well to remember this when covering the subject of women’s self-defense.