Responsibility And Blame

If you grew up in the 1980’s and 1990’s you’ll know who Chrissie Hynde is. Now aged 63, Chrissie Hynde, was the hard living/partying female front of the Pretenders, who was known for out-partying many of her male counterparts. As such she became a hero/heroine of the Feminist movement, who saw her as someone whose actions and behaviors broke down stereotypical gender lines and boundaries, and whose outspoken views assisted the debate on gender equality. However in her new autobiography she recalls being gang-raped, and taking full responsibility for what happened to her, as she was high on drugs, and saw all the warning signs e.g. as a lone female she agreed to meet a group of Hells Angels at their deserted clubhouse, having noted that many of the wore “I Heart Rape” badges. This has sparked a huge debate, and garnered her a lot of criticism as she seems to be endorsing victim blaming i.e. the idea that the victim is to blame for their assault, rather than the assailants. Whilst I think the language and terminology that she has used to try and make sense of what happened to her is unfortunate, I think the message about personal safety and responsibility that she is trying to send out, especially to young women, is an important and timely one.

 It is true that in the 1970’s and 1980’s there was a culture of victim blaming around victims of sexual assaults, that somehow they had been asking for it because they were provocatively dressed, or even the belief that this was something that women secretly desired. I am not saying that 30 years on we are living in the most enlightened times however we are certainly more aware as a society that these myths are just that myths, and the research on sexual assaults, show that factors such as the clothing of the victim were minor/irrelevant factors in the assault. However there has also been an accompanying shift in the idea that women should be allowed to act and behave how they want, and not expect there to be negative consequences to their actions. The key term is “should be”, and I agree with that. Anyone regardless of their gender, race, creed and color “should be” able to act and behave freely as they want without suffering negative consequences however this doesn’t mean that they “can”. I should be able to feel free to walk into any bar or pub in town and have a drink without fear, yet there will be bars and pubs that as a white Jewish guy I’m better staying away from. Don’t get me wrong I’m not now making the case that there should be a movement created for short, white, Jewish guys to drink in any bar they want, and equate this with the Feminist movement, however the point is that there are things we are probably best not doing, even if we should have the right to do them.

Chrissie Hynde said about her rapists, “you can’t f*** around with people who wear I heart rape”, patches. I would love to live in a world where people didn’t profess this sentiment and/or felt the need to advertise it, but I don’t. That’s reality. I would love it if many university fraternities didn’t hold or express predatory desires towards women, and didn’t feel it was acceptable to hang up banners outside their frat houses that said, “Drop your freshman daughter of here…and her mom too.” I can get depressed and outraged at this culture, however it doesn’t make anybody safer, or reduce the chances of someone becoming the victim of a sexual assault. Yes the culture is wrong, and to a greater or lesser extent, it will always be wrong. There will always be Hell’s Angels and similar gangs, as well as fraternities and groups who don’t respect women sexually (or at all), and Chrissie Hynde gets that. It may be hard to accept, and it may seem to diminish some of the progress that the Feminist movement has gained in turns of female equality, but there will always be men, and groups of men, who see rape and sexual assault as acceptable. It is irresponsible to advocate that women should behave and act how they want without accepting that they may be assaulted; this isn’t right or fair but it is realistic. I may argue with some of the things that Ms Hynde thinks will get women targeted but I agree with her general message.

Are victims of sexual assault to blame? No. Might they have made bad choices or taken decisions that could have facilitated these assaults? Yes e.g. turning up high as the lone women at a Hell’s Angels clubhouse, when a female companion advised you otherwise. It seems that are society is more concerned with being right than being effective, that because you should be able to, you can. This is a dangerous and unrealistic message to send out to young women. Whilst it may seem to offer them a sense of empowerment, it is also telling them to ignore warning signs, and forget their fears – and some fears are positive, as they keep us from danger. Chrissie Hynde describes an extreme situation, and may be trying to take control of what happened to her, in order to lessen the traumatic effects of her assault, however she acknowledges the bad choices that got her there, and takes ownership of them. Do I believe she was to blame? No. Did she facilitate her assailants? Yes. If young women can understand that just by having the right to act and behave how they want, it doesn’t mean they should, Chrissie Hynde’s message is a positive one.