Women's Self Defense

For those of you who are not aware, we run a free women's self-defense program, at my studio, every Saturday morning. One question I get asked a lot, is why we run it for free – I sometimes get asked why we don't run a free men's self-defense class. In this blog article, I'd like to explain why we run a free women's self-defense program, and at the same time don't offer a free men's program.

Women, and young women especially, probably represent the largest minority that is directly targeted with violence and aggression. If you don't believe me on this, you don't need to do any google search for statistics, you just need to ask any woman you know if she has ever had to deal with an aggressive, unreasonable man, and in all likelihood she'll nod her head and say yes – and tell you that this has happened to her on more than one occasion. Violence is not spread equally amongst the genders; yes, young men do get assaulted, however in many cases it is their ego and confrontational manner, which escalates a situation to the point where one party feels justified to use physical force. In most of these cases, this is not predatory and premeditated, in the same way that violence against women is generally committed.

Unfortunately, many women have come to accept, that aggressive men are just part of life, and should simply be put up with. This is especially true if they are involved in the dating scene e.g. online and public harassment, not taking no for an answer, physical abuse, etc. Many men don't understand that if you block a woman's way, preventing her from leaving, although you may not have made physical contact with her, you are being physically abusive, and are guilty of assault etc. In fact, if you give any person a reason to feel afraid and fear for their safety you may find yourself on the wrong side of the legal system – this is worth thinking about next time you feel the urge to raise your voice to someone, and act in an emotional and insistent manner; something I've seen a lot of men do in bars (when working security), when their advances were turned down, and the woman they were wanting to keep talking to, wanted to disengage. As someone who was bullied as a kid, I recognize this way of acting and behaving as bullying. I know there are many men who will laugh it off, saying that women who are offended by the way they behave are too sensitive, can't take a joke, should lighten up etc. however, these were the types of arguments, that the kids who bullied me, used to make, in order to justify their actions to themselves – I think deep down everybody knew what was actually going on; simple, offensive power games – the games that women have to endure far more commonly than you may think. Whilst we may think of women’s self-defense as being about dealing with rape and sexual assaults etc. It needs to also cover these more common situations as well.

Many men (not all) don't see the situations they create as being dangerous for the women that are involved, as they know that they're not going to become physically violent, that their veiled comments and insinuations aren't actual threats that they'll fulfill etc. After all, what's the danger in creating a bit of discomfort and unease, for the person who has told them that they're not interested, and would rather not talk to them; it's only fair that the dent to their ego should be balanced out by a level of distress for the person who wanted to walk away and not engage with them. This is what women deal with all too frequently – not overt physical violence, but unstable and unpredictable male aggression, that at times creates an atmosphere of fear in their lives which is completely unwarranted. In many of these situations it can be extremely disempowering for the woman, as it is hard to know if any law has actually been broken, or if the presence of law enforcement is justified. It is good to know how to act and behave in these grey areas, and know what to do if they start to become more defined.

This is why I run a free women's self-defense program once a week, and it's why I don't feel obligated to offer the same free service to men (I don't see them as being at risk in the same way). Our program, does look at physical self-defense techniques and how to be able to defend yourself when attacked, but it largely exists with the goal of educating women about different types of violence, and how they can learn to predict, identify and avoid danger before it happens, and by having this knowledge and skills, being able to live a life where fear and uncertainty are not experienced in the same way.