Respect As A Limited Commodity

The role that “respect” plays in violence is often underestimated, whether that is in premeditated acts, where an individual plans to use violence – or the threat of violence – or in spontaneous acts, where an individual is reacting to something that has happened (or they believe has happened) to them. Certain acts, such as muggings, may appear to be purely transactional, where a predatory individual simply wants to acquire resources such as a purse or wallet, however the truth is that there are several underlying motives which are at play during the committal of a street robbery etc., that if not considered (as with other types of violence), can lead us to make erroneous decisions about how we should respond. In this article, I want to look at some of the different ways that people understand the concept of respect.

During my time in the security industry, I have at times been asked to be a guest on various panels, along with other security professionals. I’ve always enjoyed these, as it gives me an opportunity to hear the thoughts, ideas, strategies etc. from those who work in different areas of the industry. Sometimes, non-professionals were also included on these panels, such as university students, if the discussion was on campus safety for example. This can sometimes create a strange dynamic, wherein the non-professional(s) may see themselves as having to compete for recognition and respect. Because they don’t have facts, figures, and accepted knowledge to bring to the discussion – and this is not why they are on the panel – they sometimes feel under pressure to prove that their personal experiences are more relevant to the discussion, and this then leads them to engage in a “competition” for respect. For some people, respect is a limited commodity that needs to be fought over; especially when somebody sees their role in a situation as being somewhat ambiguous. I have respect for different people for different reasons e.g. I have certain authors of fiction that I like, I have academics that I like, industry professionals who I admire and respect etc., and if all of these individuals were put in a room together, they wouldn’t have to “share” or divide up my respect; each one would have 100% of it. My respect for one does not go down because another is present i.e. the amount of respect I have is not limited. For some people, however, this is not how respect works.

Elijah Andersen in the “Code of the Street”, puts forward the idea, that in depressed and deprived communities, respect is a commodity that is strived and fought over; that young men without many opportunities to improve their situation, fight for one commodity that is available to them, which is respect. If one person has respect, then that means there is less to go around. In some cases, if an individual sees respect shown to another, then they equate that with being disrespected themselves; something that in turn can lead to extreme violence. Elliot Rodger who was responsible for the Isla Vista shootings in 2014, where he killed six people and injured fourteen more, published a YouTube video before he went on his killing spree entitled, “Elliot Rodger’s Retribution Video”, where in it he explained his motivations. His motive(s) for engaging in the shooting rampage were borne out an envy of sexually active men, and the need to punish women for rejecting him in favor of them. As he saw it, there was only so much “respect” to go around, and other men were taking it from him. The group who needed to be punished for this were women, who by showing “respect” to other men had disrespected him. When people believe that there is only so much respect in the room to be had, and other people are shown it, this is either interpreted as “disrespect”, or something owed to them that has just been taken away. There is a psychological phenomena that suggest we will put three times more effort into getting back something we have lost, than gaining it new e.g. a person who has been disrespected, or who has lost the opportunity for gaining respect, will work three times harder to get back to where they perceived they were, than in attempting to gain respect in the first place.

The less respect a person has been shown in their life, the more likely they are to see respect as a limited commodity that needs to be fought and competed over. This can come as a surprise to many of us who do enjoy respect, whether that’s at work, in our personal relationships with others etc., where we recognize that earning respect from one person, doesn’t mean that this same person can’t also respect somebody else, equally or more. When we understand that some people see “respect” as a zero-sum game, where if one person has it another can’t, then we can begin to understand why people might act overly aggressive with us. The street robber who targets a victim who’s wearing an expensive watch and jewelry, does so as much to take respect away, as to profit financially. Most muggers are after cash not goods, and few have the ability or want to take the risks that involve fencing goods. By exerting/demonstrating power and control by committing a street robbery, the mugger gains a degree/level of self-respect – and in certain cases, if they can be seen by others in their communities wearing that watch/jewelry they may gain some of their respect.

When I did youth work in the UK, with teenagers who carried knives, the number one reason they would cite for using their blade against another was that of being disrespected. Often, they couldn’t articulate what this actually meant or looked like, but an underlying theme was an envy/jealousy of somebody who enjoyed the respect of others, and the need to show/demonstrate that they weren’t all they were cracked up to be. It was if by demonstrating this person’s vulnerability by stabbing/cutting them, the respect that they had enjoyed was transferred to the attacker. This may seem a strange concept for many of us to comprehend, however when we can see that others view respect in terms of a limited commodity, these things become more understandable.